I think Barnes and Noble is selling merchandise engineered by Time Lords.
Look at this mug. Looks like a normal mug, right?
Maybe a little cooler than normal mugs, but other than that it looks to be roughly the same size as every other mug on the planet. My grandmother bought me one as a very early birthday gift, and I thought it was just like every other mug, too.
Then I got home and made tea in it. As I was pouring the water, I noticed that I seemed to be pouring for a lot longer than I normally pour. (When you brew tea upwards of 4 times every day, you notice how long it takes to pour the water.) Remembering this oddity the next day, I took a normal mug from the cabinet to compare the amount of water it held with the amount held by my new mug.
I discovered that it held twice as much liquid as a normal mug. Yet it still looked to be the same size as the normal mug. My conclusion? It’s bigger on the inside. Who can make technology like this? Time Lords. Thus, Barnes and Noble is in cahoots with Gallifreyans.
Either that or it’s just curved funny and I have poor spatial awareness.
Courtney Lynn Anderson vs. Home Invasion
Courtney Lynn Anderson was happily singing her name and skipping up the drive to her house. She flung open the door and sang “I’m ba-ack!” in her finest soprano, which was really not that fine at all. There was no reply, but Courtney was used to this.
She stepped inside and was taking off her shoes when she noticed that it was much quieter than usual. Really, this should have concerned her, because she had seven younger siblings who had all been playing tag not five minutes ago, when she had gone to get the mail. But, bless her heart, Courtney was as dumb as a rock.
An American Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, in the mighty kingdom of Rudderville, there lived a princess named Elise. She had a pleasant life, except for two terrible tragedies, which, as terrible tragedies are known to do, made her very sad. The first was that she had no umbrellas*, the second was that the man to whom she was greatly attracted did not seem all that attracted to her.
Her fate began to change one day, though, when Braxton Caucasian, her royal advisor and the kingdom’s greatest bargain hunter, flung open the doors to her chambers with a dramatic flourish.
Die Welle
Tonight was a surprise. My mom decided we should watch a movie, and since nothing good was available at Redbox, we turned to Netflix. For whatever reason, the movies we’ve watched caused Netflix to recommended a German film called Die Welle (The Wave). Since I’m a horrible person who judges movies by their title, my first thought was that I’d spend my time color-coding my closet or something lame like that. Luckily, an offer of Diet Coke got me roped in to watching it, and I am very grateful for that.
Basically, it’s about a teacher who, for a school project, turns his class into a dictatorship for a week. (They end up calling themselves “The Wave,” hence the title.) The whole time I was watching it, I kept wondering what I would do in that situation. I mean, surely I wouldn’t go along with it. Even if it was for school, I’m not that easily swayed. But how could I know? I don’t want to give anything away, but it really leaves you with a lot to ponder.
It’s available on Netflix instant right now, so if anyone is looking for a fast-paced, socially relevant drama, Die Welle is the perfect choice.
Year Long Resolutions (That happen to begin in January)
I don’t really like New Year Resolutions because more often than not they end up failing. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t make them every year. Most of mine for this year are just amping up what I’ve been doing, so success is likely. So, in no particular order, my Resolutions.
Good Things
We live in this impossibly huge world, and I like a lot of things in it. I also don’t like a lot of things in it, but even some of those things are pretty cool. (Hornets, for example.) Now obviously I am very thankful for the “big things,” like God and family and friends. However, there are a great deal of “little things” that make a difference, that I have a tendency to forget about and take for granted.
So without further ado, here is my not remotely comprehensive list of “the little things.”
The Justification of the Consumption of Food
To preface this whole thing, I’d like to say that I have a terrible relationship with food. I hate eating around other people, often to the point where I can’t even make eye contact with people if I’m around food. I am aware of this.
How to Survive An Exploding Breakfast
My Sunday mornings are usually one of the most boring things on the planet, rivaled only by watching grass grow. (And golf.)
But that Sunday morning was special.
Words That Should Be Used More Often (Part II)
Snollygoster: one, especially a politician, who is guided by personal advantage rather than respectable principles.
Example: Instead of using the lottery money to pay off his debts and save a bankrupt animal shelter, the snollygoster bought 4 new cars.
Foible: a minor weakness or eccentricity in someone’s character.
Example: “So as you can see, the novel examines many of humanity’s foibles.”
“Like aluminum foibles?”
“…”
Words that Should Be Used More Often (Part I)
Magnificent: very good, excellent, striking, impressively beautiful, elegant.
Example: “I just saw Star Wars for the first time! It was magnificent!”
Absurd: wildly unreasonable, illogical, foolish, ridiculous
Example: “Go jackalope hunting with you? Don’t be absurd.”
Marvelous: causing great wonder, extraordinary, splendid, wonderful
Example: “I had a marvelous time seeing that play with you, bro!”
Clever: smart, cunning, intelligent
Example: “Martin is very clever. He made a 18% on the exam— without studying!”
Flocculate: form or cause to form flocculent masses
Example: “The sheep flocculate when the dogs herd them.”
Confessions of a Former Anti-Princess
I was never a big Disney Princess fan. As a small child, I was far more likely to be found imitating a lemur or a bat rather than Cinderella or Jasmine. It’s not that I particularly disliked them, I just never really saw the point of them.
Things I Learned from my Cats
If you are persistently annoying, you will find many doors opened that would have otherwise remained closed.
How to Hollow Out a Book
Hollowed out books are one of those things you see in movies that make you think, “Gee, I sure wish I had one of those. I’d hide my [money/goldfish/stamp collection] in it. I would be the coolest person ever, because if someone ever came looking for my [money/goldfish/stamp collection], they would never find it.”
Lucky for you, with the help of this handy dandy guide, you can soon be the proud owner of a hollow book to hide all your book-sized-or-smaller possessions in.
